My Life As A University Student: Chapter 127

Touch but do not hold

I don't want to listen!

A bit of me was grumpy yesterday. There were some parts of me that were opposing what my elders spoke and taught. Their perceptions were, and are, against mine. Sometimes. Sometimes it will be most of the time. But most of the time, sometimes (laugh).

It is a norm really, for teenagers or young adult, son or daughter (In other words, children), to always have a point or two or more that they will argue with their parent.

It had been like that ever since I knew how to speak. It had been like that ever since I knew how to think.

Yet, when I think back, do I really know how to think?

Yesterday, grumpy as I would be, I try to put rationality first. Favouring it in a tug-of-war between emotions and rationalisation in my mind, I muster my logic to think back of what the message that was trying to be convey.

It's a rather childish matter really. Yet it still happen, cause even at the age where I can vote, I am still childish. Still a child. (Perhaps that's why politicians love young voters; we are too easy to be manipulated)

What I can sum up yesterday was I gaping myself from others. My parent notice that.

I haven't been keen in keeping in touch with people. They notice. I'm too stubborn to even listen.

Yet, I guess, despite the echoing war-cry in my head that denied that fact, the truth is, I do.

Been gaping myself.

Not just with families, but also with friends.

It's not that I'm the sort of person that can live in solitude, a lone wolf (although sometimes I wish of that). I am like others, an ordinary human being, that if failed to find a companion in few weeks, I will imitate Tom Hanks and talk to the ball with a human face drawn at it (Or was it a stone? Was it Tom Hanks?).

I too, need to be in touch (Be reminded that the touching of marriageable female by male without marriage are prohibited in Islam teaching, and vice versa for female) with others.

I need people, families and friends around me.

Yet, recalling the yesterday event and post mortem it (without the need for surgical utensils), I could come out with one conclusion for my case:


I touch, but I does not hold.

There are many person, acquaintances, friends, relatives out there that are connected with me. But their links with me are often thin lines . Thin, micro, and fragile lines.

Sometimes, no, most of the time, I would blame them for not being the one who do the holding. For not being the one, who do all the moulding, refining, reinforcing of the bond that we have.

But really, most of the time when I took some time to think, the blame will fall on me.

Had you ever heard of the rule of accusing? One finger on them, four others are on us.

I guess, you should never blame others before you evaluate yourself.

Who am I, to begin with, that wishes others to acknowledge or show concern for me when I am not to them?

A decent lad should always know, that all good things must begin with himself first before he ask for others to follow or to know.

In fact, a decent lad should not even care what others would react to his good doing.

Have you forgotten? Solatku, ibadahku, hidupku, dan matiku hanya pada Allah. So why wait?

Have you forgotten, the prophet himself was always the first to say salam to others?

Have you forgotten, that his good doings were sincerely for Allah?

That others was not force to follow his path, and because of that make others follow him.

Oh Ariff, you had spoken yet you did not applied.

Thus, you touch people, yet you do not hold on to them.

Yesterday, you was mad. But perhaps, deep down, you angered by none other but to yourself. Cause deep down, you know you are the one to be blame.

Lesson learnt.

Thanks, and forgive me. But I do hope you won't forget, cause I always do, and I need you to remind me of that.

Sorry for the trouble(s), for I always do.